You’re standing in front of the craft beer fridge in the local off-licence. It’s a beautiful, terrifying sight. A wall of colour, a mosaic of mad-looking cans covered in cartoons, geometric patterns, and names that sound like 90s indie bands.

You want to try something new, but you’re gripped by The Fear.

The Fear is twofold. Firstly, the fear of spending twelve quid on a four-pack of beer you absolutely hate. Secondly, and perhaps more potently, the fear of looking like a complete and utter tosser while you decide.. squinting at the tiny text for five minutes, turning the can over and over like you’re trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube.

Here’s the thing, though. You don’t need to read everything. You just need to know what to look for.

It’s a simple three-step scan that’ll tell you 90% of what you need to know.

Step 1: The Style – The Most Important Words on the Can

Forget the brewery name and the wacky beer name for a second. Find the style. This will be written somewhere, even if it’s in tiny letters. It’ll say something like ‘Pale Ale’, ‘New England IPA’, ‘Imperial Stout’, or ‘Fruited Gose’.

This is your genre. It’s the single most important clue.

You wouldn’t pick up a DVD case and ignore whether it says ‘Horror’ or ‘Romantic Comedy’. Same principle. If you know you like crisp, bitter beers, you’re looking for ‘West Coast IPA’ or ‘Pilsner’. If you want something thick, dark, and tasting of coffee, you’re looking for ‘Stout’ or ‘Porter’. If you want something hazy and juicy, you’re looking for ‘NEIPA’ or ‘Hazy Pale’.

Everything else is secondary.

Step 2: The ABV – The Practical Bit

Next, find the ABV (Alcohol By Volume). This is usually pretty prominent. We all know what this means in practice: a 4.5% beer is for a session, a 6.8% beer is for a quiet night in, and a 10.5% beer is for making questionable life choices.

But ABV also tells you about the flavour. Alcohol adds body and sweetness. So, as a general rule, a lower ABV beer (under 5%) will be lighter and more refreshing. A higher ABV beer will likely be richer, fuller-bodied, and more intense.

It’s not just about how drunk you’ll get; it’s a clue to the beer’s character.

Step 3: The Hops – The Cheat Code

This is where people get lost, thinking they need to be a botanist. You don’t. You just need to remember a few key names. The label might say “Hopped with Citra, Mosaic, and Simcoe.”

Don’t panic. Most of the popular hops used in modern IPAs and pale ales are American, and they all tend to deliver big, fruity flavours.

Here’s a ridiculously simple cheat code:

Modern Tropical Hops: Citra, Mosaic, Simcoe, Galaxy, Nelson Sauvin. If you see these, think tropical fruit, citrus, grapefruit, passionfruit. This is the classic modern craft beer taste.

Classic American Hops: Cascade, Centennial, Chinook. Think classic American pine, grapefruit, and floral notes. A bit more old-school bitter.

The Weird One: Sabro. If you see this one, think coconut and cream. I’m a big fan, but it’s a bit weird and it divides people.

You don’t need to know the specifics, just associate the names with a general flavour profile. It helps you guess if the beer is going to be your kind of thing.

And that’s basically it. Style, ABV, Hops.

What About All The Other Stuff?

The IBU (International Bitterness Units)? Mostly meaningless now, so ignore it. The long, flowery description? It’s marketing, read it if you’re bored. The list of malts? Unless you’re a proper beer nerd, it won’t tell you much that the Style and ABV haven’t already.

The real secret to not looking like a tosser is confidence.

Scan for the style, check the ABV, glance at the hops. Take 30 seconds. If you’re still not sure, just pick the one with the coolest-looking can. We all do it.

Or better yet, ask the person working in the shop. It’s their job to know. They’ll be happy to help.

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What’s your go-to method for choosing beer? Drop me a line at casktheoryblog@gmail.com.. I’m genuinely curious if anyone else has a system that works.